作文批改示例
作文批改示例
作文批改評(píng)語(yǔ)范例字 跡 A、本子清秀、整潔，猶如海濱小城的街道一樣，找不到一點(diǎn)臟……端端正正的字跡，讓人看了真舒服……你的字像印的一樣漂亮……很慚愧，我字沒(méi)有你寫(xiě)的好看…… B、隨隨便便，字哪能不像貓?zhí)偷乃频摹植辉诟褡又虚g，當(dāng)然看起來(lái)不順眼……你的字東倒西歪，是不是今天風(fēng)太大，才刮成這樣的……我不相信你的字寫(xiě)不好，永遠(yuǎn)就這么潦草……認(rèn)真耐心地寫(xiě)，你會(huì)寫(xiě)的比我還要棒…… 內(nèi) 容 A、這般豐富的內(nèi)容，簡(jiǎn)直和作家寫(xiě)出來(lái)的差不多呀……你的習(xí)作有血有肉，讀起來(lái)真是一大享受……你的作文內(nèi)容具體，我讀的.十分過(guò)癮……你平時(shí)肯定愛(ài)看作文書(shū)，才寫(xiě)出這么多字…… B、干巴巴的內(nèi)容如同白開(kāi)水，一點(diǎn)味道也沒(méi)有，多加些優(yōu)美的詞句就好喝了……不如劉維維字?jǐn)?shù)多(或者舉其他差生名字)，你不覺(jué)得有點(diǎn)難為情嗎……你的作文像90歲老太太的嘴，干癟空洞，講話直漏風(fēng)……
air pollution(標(biāo)題大寫(xiě))
As depicted in the picture, large cloulds (clouds)of smoke from chimneys cover the sky. Obviously, chimneys in cities caused a lot of pollution; the air is nearly suffocating. It can be seen that the symbolic meaning the picture conveys deep (前面加be動(dòng)詞，否則句子不通順)and profound. We thereby can conclude that coal burning has brought about great hazards to the city.
Firstly, factories were usually placed (用lie的相關(guān)形式，usually lie)in the center of cities, among (between)residential and businearea. Even people lived near location of factories. (刪掉)If functions of different areas of city are confused, smoke, which contains of deleterious gases, will continue to be a public trouble. In addition, the number of such chimneys has a lot to do with the harm. (不通順)That is partly explained by the fact that nearly every block has several chimneys for heating system, which makes the whole city immersed in thick smoke. Last and the most important one, respiratory diseases have been reported to be rising and old people dying of the wirsening(刪掉)air pollution.
Confronted with this problem, we should find several solution(復(fù)數(shù))to it. On one hand, factories with chimneys should be moved out of the center of the city and(用or)it(刪掉)made sure the waste gases are at least not bad. For another, other ways of heating should be developed to stop using coal. Only by doing so, can we kill two birds with one stone.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：12分
該文基本完成了試題任務(wù)，能夠按照試題的原意進(jìn)行分析陳述，包含了一些內(nèi)容觀點(diǎn)，使用了較為豐富的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)與詞匯，前后銜接還算連貫。
但本文也存在一些不足之處，表現(xiàn)比較明顯的是語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤與時(shí)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤，外加一些句子的被動(dòng)形式，當(dāng)然，這也是考試作文的難點(diǎn)與易錯(cuò)點(diǎn)，需要細(xì)心留意。另外，有些句子讀起來(lái)比較晦澀，詞匯變換方面也有一些錯(cuò)誤，如果能在此方面多下功夫并留心細(xì)心，相信你能寫(xiě)出一篇不錯(cuò)的考研作文。
考研作文的練習(xí)是一個(gè)不斷改正的過(guò)程，多多努力，考試即將來(lái)臨，加油哦
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